she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it hurts more in the daytime
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
