Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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