no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize