So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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