you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
