she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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