I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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