My brain says no but my pants say off.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
