you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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