I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
that may or may not have been my penis.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
