I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
