Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
