so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize