I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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