Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
