idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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