i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
