just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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