It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize