we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
