somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
