Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
