I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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