weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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