at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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