she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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