Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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