There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
