Princesses don't give blow jobs
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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