Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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