My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
