You're so nebulous sometimes
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
