so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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