Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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