why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
