I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
