I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just google imaged poop.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
