I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
