we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
