Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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