chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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