At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
