I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize