Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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