thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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