all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
