He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
