I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
