Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
