I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
