his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize