Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
