So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
