Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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