never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Congratulations! We have a period
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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