why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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