i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
