Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
