Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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