Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
