just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
