it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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