I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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