i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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