Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
