You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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