Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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